Berlin, Oct 2016

What days are these?

Where is my fresh breath?

Where are my words?

And where are we going?

I feel like somebody stole my happiness, my beauty, my lightness.

Suddenly. Empty.

And the thing that hurts me the most it's that

I don't have a reason why all of this happened.

No one word from you.

Am I blind? Did I miss something?

Where are you?

Where are you?

I could ask myself infinitely.

But no one can answer.

It's raining. Candles.

Death flowers. The window.

This is all that I will see for a while, staring outside.

The leaves on the tree are fighting with the wind, with the time.

They want to hold on with all their strengths to hope. Like me.

But they know they're going to fall down. Like me.

You cannot get the time to stop.

You cannot convince someone to love or take care of you.

Do you still remember me?

Do you mind how I'm feeling now?

You don't.

And are you thinking about me?

Of course, you don't.

This is what scares me the most.

Do I deserve all of this shit?

No, I don't.

Yes, I am stronger than I think and It will pass.

Suffering, crying, overthinking, questioning, waiting and receiving silence.

I cannot wait any longer. I'm really deeply sorry because I see my feelings suffocated,

my dreams fall down and my wishes blowing in this cold wind.

Why are you allowing this?

Now I remember.

One day you said everything can change in a moment that you don't take care of.

So true, desperately true. I'm fucking lost.

Blackout. I wanna be out.

I am out, in my mind.

The moving.

Nothing changed.

Another room.

Another day.

Another me.

I'm not me anymore.

Where is my life?

Love taught me to cry.

It's not hard to die, but I don't wanna lose.

You will be my biggest letdown and failure.

And I will be your deepest regret.

Sorry. I didn't want all of this.

You decided for both.

You won and love has lost.